Kittenkirk,
It took courage to post and I applaud you for being honest.

Congratulations on starting again and taking responsibility for what happened...but understand that addiction of any kind is very patient and very powerful so relapses are sometimes easy to fall into without knowing the reason.

Please return to meetings because you will get much support and caring there...it's my bet that others have gone through the same thing.
The most important day is today...just for the next 24 hours, I'll do my best to stay sober.

No beating yourself up. It's wasted energy and leaves the door wide open for stinking thinking.

Peace,
Cap