I did manage to talk to my T yesterday, twice, but unfortunately it was before I sent out the email to the executive director. I did mention the email to my T, that I was compiling it, and she did suggest that I hold off on sending it - that perhaps I would have had a change of heart the following day. Well, I didn't heed her advice and impulsively sent out the email. I hate when I get like this.

My therapist did mention that I was isolating myself, but for some reason I wasn't hearing her at the time. I told her that I think I'm too much for her to handle and that I was sorry for burdening her. She reassured me that I wasn't a burden and still looks forward to working with me. I hear her, but I'm not hearing her.

I'm at a point where I don't think I'm ill even though I was given the diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder bipolar type and am now on a downswing. That somehow I can weather the storms just like everyone else. I'm thinking that I am weak and need to get my act together. I just need to stop complaining and try harder.