You must be feeling something otherwise you wouldn't be able to post. As for lying, I highly doubt you are. Liars don't ask "Am I lying?" They just don't care. You care 'bout who you are affecting & by posting here, seems you want to rectify it.
I hope you stay here & post some more. We'll be glad to help as best as we can. You can PM me if you'd feel more comfortable w/ one on one. Some things just are easier said to one person rather than in a group. Regardless, hope things get better for you soon. Thinking 'bout you.
Love,
RhysMadison