I know exactly what you are going through. I've carried a void in my heart for many years... the longing for a mother's love. I used to watch movies that portrayed a mother/daughter dynamic because it was the only way I could relate and fill my void. Now, my mother is very much alive. However, she didn't raise me and therefore I'm not emotionally attached or connected. I was raised by my stepdad. This has caused me to guard my heart and build a wall around me. I'm currently working on changing this in therapy. On the other hand, I think of my T in very much the same way( motherly), and she gave me one piece of meaningful advice... there's nothing wrong in pretending Likewise, this may help you.... When your T is away, ask if you can borrow something in her office that will comfort you while she is gone. This has helped me so far. Hang in there and know that you are not alone in how you feel.