I still haven't heard from my pdoc. I don't know if he does CT or not, but I'll ask. No doctor has ever mentioned it before, or if I asked about it, they weren't trained in it.

Tonight, some items I bought some time ago fell on the floor. It really has me stressed out, because I worry about some things I would rather not mention (because sometimes, saying or writing the thoughts makes them stronger) that I can't get out of my head, that come from these things falling on the floor. On top of it, I have to get rid of these items, because I can't touch them again. Normal people would just pick them back up and use them, but I can't, because they're dirty to me now. I have to buy new ones, and it's expensive. I'm extremely upset, more over the OCD than having to replace them with money I don't have.

I feel so damned alone because my OCD has such control over me, and I burden everyone and can't do anything. Everyone gets irritated with me, and often don't understand why I can't do this or that. It's so difficult to explain to someone (like a doctor) why I can't just do something that sounds so simple or would only take a minute or two. Most people can wipe a surface with one dustcloth or disinfectant wipe or whatever. Me, I need to be careful which direction I wipe, change cloths frequently just for one surface and item to be cleaned, wipe small surfaces and then get another wipe, and I'll go through more than a bottle of 75 wipes just for one thing to be cleaned. And I'll still have more wiping to do. It gets so tiresome, I hate the chemicals, and I just hate doing this crap, PERIOD!

Thanks again for your support. I'm just having a really hard time right now.