well, first I would read the threads at the top of the page and see if they help, next can you ring a friend and talk instea of hurting yourself?

are you seeing a therapist? they can help you work things out - used to think I was evil because I had been sexually abused as a child - I know now it was not my fault - somtimes our view of the world gets coloured by the things others have done to us -

I hope you manage not to hurt yourself - I hope you have a therapist you can call to talk about this - if not come back and talk here - see if we can help - read the threads at the top of the page though - they do help

take care and know that you deserve to feel better -