I agree with what Phoenix says. In general finding a T would help you a lot, because you could explore what makes you feel evil and how you could change that. In the meantime, is there anything that could help you distract, like watching a movie, reading a book, going for a walk. Just a thought: maybe if you would go and help someone do something it would make you feel a little better? Something small, like wash dishes, help clean up the house and stuff like that. I'm sure you are not evil, just hurt.