I am so confused, so angry.
My Grandpa passed away on Thursday morning. I found out last night. It's so complicated though. There are big family (disagreements?). I haven't seen him in a lot of years and my dad (his son) will just not talk about him, his family (anything really... I don't force him to though).
But I'm just so hurt and so confused.
I hate my dad right now. I never really liked him, he's not a particularly nice person... but WHY couldn't he tell me about his dad. I found out by someone just walking past my house yesterday. I'd taken my mam out for a meal for mothers day and when we came home, as we were getting out of the car, a woman was walking past and said to my dad, "sorry to hear about your dad". My dad said "well they have to go some time". I don't know why, I mean it kind of clicked then what had happened, but it didn't sink in. Then I went out with a friend and when I came home later I was just about to go upstairs while my dad was watching the news and there was a news story on about Jade Goody (a woman in UK who's just died from cancer). My dad said to me, "your dads dad, who's my dad, who's your grandad has just died too" in a 'normal' voice, kind of matter of fact as if he were just commenting on the news.
I'm just..... SO angry. I wanted to talk to him (grandpa) when I found out he was ill with cancer I wanted to go see him, but 'cause of all the family complications I didn't know how.
I'm just, lost.
I don't know. I don't know if I'm making sense even right now. there's just so much on my mind.