Pain,

I hear you . Its the need for family and community . Unfortunatey our family of origin is toxic and I tend to find those that match my family of origin . I'm guessing your the scape goat in the family and your trying to have everyone just join in look at thier stuff and everyone heal and become healthy and love.

I tend to go crawling back to these situations again and again . only to get kicked again and again . Its natural to want love and connection. But not this kind. Not the kind I have been allowing.

its the saddest and lonliest place to be to remove oneself from the sourse . the games the suttlety of it that others just can't see but you know is there.
Its a battle on the psychic level.

I see the battle your waging in all this on you . the fight . I recongnize it Ive done it I get into it . I'm always tryig to get them to see and appologize. It just doesn't happen.

Fight no more,
go within and love yourself . don't let your family and sister back in.

its lonely
I think you have a good guy with Connor ,

love yourself like crazey hug yourself mightly.

Much luv,

Patricia