50guy you made me chuckle. not too graphic at all for me. we have been going through some counselling here. i have since found out that my husband could be experiencing post traumatic stress syndrome. his sisters were sexually abused by their stepfather who my husband had always looked up to growing up. but what he thought was a 'good buddy' was actually a deviate who tried to instill terrible ways to see women and was abusing his sisters. i often found it unusual that he could not remember much of his youth. but now that this has all come out he has found out some terrible things and it has made him feel responsible and guilty that he just never realized it was going on and feels guilty that he did not see the signs and therefore did not protect him. it doesn't matter how many times you tell him otherwise, he just can't get the whole thing out of his head. needless to say he has talked about how much he wished that his stepfather was dead and he has also severed his relationship with his mother for siding with his stepdad. which is another problem in itself.

it is very long and involved with many details. suffice it to say, the situation pops into his head every time we are about to get intimate. it is driving him crazy and this makes alot of sense to me. this all came to light just before i met him and after recovering from my medical problems i started to notice the changes in him. i thought it was me. i guess that is self centered in a way but i never really felt good about myself after being sick and i thought that was pushing him away. he is the most kind, caring and loving person i have ever known. and i would venture to say that this has worked against him when it comes to guilt feelings about his sisters. he was the older and only brother of 4 girls. the girls also told him that the stepfather beat him and chased him through the house with a belt and locked him in his bedroom. he doesn't remember any of this.

he really would like to see the girls press charges. they have since moved on and though it will always affect them AND their spouses they have learned to deal with it. and anyway, that would not make the visions in his head go away. he'll always have them and he needs to deal with them. hopefully the counsellor can help.

i thank you all for your advice. i will be signing off now. just wanted to give my story so that if others are wondering about their own situation, mine might be an example that there may be other forces at work that have nothing to do with being gay.

thanks so much. peapod