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tori2b · Mar 24, 2009, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cleanhippie09

the other day i had a dream that scared the crap out of me.
it was back to when i was about 4 or 5 and my older cousin (he died a few years ago) sexually abused me. i was at my friends house and i woke up screaming and her brothers came running up stairs. i told them it was nothing. but i was terrified. i had pushed that memory back for almost 13 years and it had to hit me at the worst time. i was so upset and angry at myself that i went into her bathroom after she went back to sleep and sliced my inner thigh, the inside of my upper arm and my lower stomach. i threw up all morning and wanted to die. the next day was monday and i had school so i was planning on talking to a friend i have that knows more about my situation than anyone. but he wasnt there so i ditched class and went to cut and smoke behind our gym. i felt so bad and like i had no one to turn to. i feel like its all my fault.

erin

What happen to you at that very young age was not your fault and you can't beat your self up over that.It was something that you had no control over.That memory was buried so long almost like a forgotten one but it will keep coming to the surface until you deal with it.I have memories that i kept hidden too but when they came to the surface i too don't know how to handle them but now I tackle one bad memory at a time.That so that your mind don't become cluttered with too many of them and by cutting it your way of dealing with it without talking about it.I hope that you are talking with someone inorder to come to terms with that bad memory and again it was not your fault you were a child.