I have mostly not had a relationship with my mother for most of my adult life. I went through a pattern of cutting ties with her, then feeling guilty about it, and her or other family members would manipulate a situation so that I would have to see or talk to her. But as time went on I grew stronger and more sure of my decision. It has been a tough process for me, always lots of guilt, although my mother has never changed much - neglect, horrible verbal abuse and some physical abuse. To this day she thinks everyone else around her is the problem, never her. She helped (with my ex and his mother) turn my only child against me. My daughter has not spoken to me in almost 6 years.

Since my mother is getting older, in her 80's. I have emailed her an apology for any hurt or pain I may I have caused her. I don't want her to die thinking I hate her. I don't. Just never liked how she treated me. Or what she did/does with my daughter. She took that as a sign that everything was fine again. Emailed me back like nothing ever happened. I haven't responded. I may send her a card for her birthday, which is coming up - the day before mine. But I have no intention of getting emotionally entangled or close to her again. I don't intend to have any real relationship with her - and have not for a long time - because it's always at my expense. It's been the only way I know how to protect myself from her.

So maybe be prepared to have ups and downs in regards to this decision concerning your relationship with your mother. She may change. You may change so that you find you can tolerate some kind of relationship with her, but you can always change your mind again, always take care of yourself.