I haven't cut in more than two years. I think about it every day, usually every hour of my life. When I feel well, I think about it less often, the thoughts don't last as long, and the intensity of the thoughts isn't very bad. When I go into a bad spell, the feelings begin to outweigh what I know to be true: cutting makes life worse.

My scars are pronounced and cause me to feel much shame. I've been accepted to school for a healthcare career, and the urges are worse now. I was euphoric over my success, and now I'm starting to slide into negative thought patterns. It seems as though I can't accept good things when they happen to me.

The main reason I have been successful in not cutting for so long is my significant other. Hurting myself would hurt him so much. We have a beautiful, healthy relationship, but in this way I think I might be too dependent on him. I wish that I wouldn't cut because I love me, not just because I love him.

Thank you for listening.