So, I told my husband I wanted a divorce. I can't stand dealing with the control and his behavior issues.

Even though he's seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist to deal with his issues, I feel as though I will never be happy with him.

Lately, he has been trying. Trying to curb the behavior issues, the control, etc. I feel as though it's just an attempt to "get me back" and is not genuine progress. For every couple of days of decent behavior, there's at least a day or two of "same old, same old". I do understand that change takes time. But, even if change happens, I'm just not sure it's what I want for my life.

Yet, there's that other side of me that thinks - well, it's easier to stay together than to be apart.....there are things that I do appreciate - his back scratches, the help around the house, his contributing to the bills, helping with our daughter.....how a divorce would be so difficult for our daughter....economic times are bad, and my job is iffy so taking on the entire mortgage would be a huge stressor....how I don't want to hurt him....and if things could just be civil between us, I might be able to settle for "good enough".

He is very sexually active. It's been years since I've been truly interested, but I always gave in to please him. For the last month, I have not done that - and it is a huge problem for him, major red flag. But I can't bring myself to be with him intimately. I've reached that point where him sitting close to me raises my anxiety level.

And I catch myself thinking, "maybe as time goes on, with therapy, etc. my feelings will change toward him and things will get better"....although I know my T is pushing me the other way.

Is this normal? The back and forth of my feelings are so extreme and frustrating....

Last night, my husband said that we haven't been spending time together and that we need to in order to make things better. I told him that I prefer that we keep some distance, because I am still sorting through how I feel, etc. It's the truth. I don't want to lead him one way or the other. I know it is frustrating for him too, but I'm just so confused!! I need space to figure things out.

I just don't know anymore.....