I did it again.. Last night.

I sat there, fiddling with my wallet and my blade feel out, dropped onto my bed. I picked it up and went to put it back into my wallet, but I just couldn't move.. I seemed mesmerised by my blade. Just sat there staring at it. I was shaking like crazy, really anxious, crying.

I lost the battle of wills. Normally I can win, but everything just took over.. It was like I was watching myself from outside of my own body, drawing the blade across my skin, watching myself sit there letting it bleed again and again. It was horrible.

I cut 24 times. That must be the most I've done in one go. No. The most I did was 29. :/ they were the worst ones. These, though.. they weren't that bad.. I made them more like deep scratches, so that they'd hurt more.. Now they really hurt.

I have to go...