Hi,

Maybe I'm not following you on this post and maybe I will be completally out of line here but I'm going to try to reply anyway. Please keep in mind that I am in a down pit too.

If I understand correctly you have been disapointed and hurt and now you don't want to put any of your hope up. You don't want to be disapointed again and I don't blame you.

The goals or dreams you had before are now gone. You did fight very well to achieved them and you did good. But now, maybe you should direct your life in a different direction. The goals you had are not important anymore and you need new ones. Some that will fit who you are now and where you stand.

After the life of 50 years old, life doesn't have to be boring and without goals or dreams. There is still a lot of things you can do, a lot of things to learn, a lot of people to meet, a lot of love to give, new friends, a new you.

I know you have been hurt, disapointed, rejected, backstabbed and I'm so sorry. Hopelessness comes with this hurt in your heart.

You still have a lot to give, a lot to share, a lot to recieve. You are a wonderful person. You need to find yourself another goal or dream. Try to direct this thought towards something new.

Many hugs to you and much love!
nightdream