Mandy….
There was a survey of alcoholics done in the late 50’s or early 60’s that really looked into our behavior. That study involved a large number of drunks, and it turned up a lot of interesting information. One of the most interesting things to me was that we scored in the top 10% on being perfectionist.

I quote…
“The perfect girl that always did everything right and was there for everyone”

You are not alone in those feelings. Welcome.

Another thing many of us share is a sense that we want to be thought of as upstanding people, to be thought well of by our friends, but in our heart of hearts, we know that we don’t really deserve it.

Again I quote…
“is now alone in her deceitful world!”

Shameful little secrets are a corrosive thread that the fabric of our lives are shot through with. It is poison, the secrets we keep. What you did, blowing the whistle on yourself, telling the truth about yourself, is one of the most important things you can do to get and stay better.

“Why am I posting then..... I spose I'm scared!!”

Fear…
Fear was God’s great gift to me. It seems to be the only gift I could or would avail myself of toward the end of my drinking career. It was the motivator that got me to even consider changing my life. It hurt so badly that I just couldn’t stand the way I felt anymore. At that point I became willing.

I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Around the rooms I learned to stop being someone I was not, I learned to tell the truth about what was going on in my life, and I learned to wear this world as a loose fitting garment, warts and all.

“I so hope no one thinks bad of me....”

Mandy, You aren’t that good at being that bad, go easy on yourself. And if you find yourself standing at the door of an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, walk in. You will find many kindred spirits there.

On the road to the good stuff,
Richard S.