hi group, just came back from a support group meeting for bipolar. Cried my eyes out. Hadn't been to group in over 3months had a major depression after Christmas. My sig other moved back in, ironic I was doing better when she wasn't here. I don't think the stress/timing of her moving back around the holidays was a good call. Nice group tonight, felt like it was the right thing, get honest, show up to a group, be in a safe place. Home sometimes does not feel safe. I hide in the office or master bedroom trying to limit conversation with my sig other, I'm just so so tired of the drama, the fighting, the hey I need to talk! at 2am for 2hrs. I suspect a diagnosis for bpd soon from my psychiatrist (pdoc?), I've seen bpd coping books all over the house, but haven't been told directly. Sweating it out until mid April for my next appt. Spent the last 2 days googling, surfing going to coffee shop bookstores to read up on bpd. My sig other has bipolar too, she's also in a rut. I also suspect instead of just threatening to break up, my sig other is leaving this time. I'm OK with it, I mean it's sad but we just seem to pull out more negative then positive as a couple. I'm tired of the fighting, the he said she said. I'm also not working and staring bankrupcy in the face I have a real fear about that. I don't consider myself a material person, I just want a win-win for my family. My meds are a bit strong but they are slightly curbing my reactiveness. I'm mean strong as in woozy, mellow, slow, lethargic. I haven't kept a med diary and I've tried several meds over the last year and a half so I actually forgot I had taken this med before and it just zonkers me. I was at a double dose I just wanted to sleep all the time couldn't function, felt different then the depression. At least recently my pdoc ok'd cutting my dose in half. I'm taking this pretty hard I read bpd can have some stigma associated with it and has some controversy, isn't covered by some insurance carriers due to it's (class 2?) designation. The dbt therapy sounds very positive, the first example I read of it had actually happened to me (use dbt skills to cope/deal with a neighbor(s) parking in your spot). I was just getting comfortable and coping with my bipolar diagnosis I had back around August now I'm getting a whole new set of things to cope with. Am I in denial? dbt? The shoe kind of fits, I do identify with some DSM-IV indicators. Well I did go to the pdoc for a 2nd opinion for diagnosis. Just trying to cope with things here. Hope this wasn't to run on, nite all.