This has been an ongoing issue for months - frankly, I don't know how people can live for years with someone who's so messy. I want to clarify that if I did move out, our relationship would not end. This is not a potential dealbreaker for the relationship - it's only a potential dealbreaker for us living together.

Talking about the problem hasn't done any good thus far. He knows how I feel, believe me. I have tried praising him for something good he did as a precursor to talking about the issue, so he would know I do appreciate him, and was not attacking him. I've tried the casual approach - "oh, didn't you mention cleaning the living room today?" I've even offered to help - not do it myself, but help him out so maybe he would be more willing to do it sooner rather than later. Nothing has worked, and I'm turning into a cranky b****. As for his son's behavior, there will never be a talk involving all of us. He has given me explicit instructions not to directly say anything to his son about the way I feel, and not to talk about it to him (my boyfriend) in front of the boys. He is afraid it will make me look bad and cause problems. Even when something happens to my property or food/drink (it gets lost, broken, eaten, what have you), he doesn't want me to say anything to his kids, and claims he is doing it to protect "us". When I was still cleaning up after everyone he did talk to the boys about the effort I put in around the house and how wrong and inconsiderate it is to just trash the place after I spent hours straightening up. A fat lot of good that did!