Hullo Ryan,
A few years back I was mixing massive amounts of whiskey and pills in a constant attempt to just feel numb. Before I decided to try to pull out of that tailspin (I once described it here on Creative in a poem called "Tyrannosaurus Meds"), I was likely the most horrendous human being to be around on the planet. The self-loathing over the alcohol and drug abuse was as devastating in many ways as the utter mess I made of my life due to all the self-medication. I can empathize deeply, and I know it would take precious little to send me careening in that direction again, even after three years of really putting up a fight against the booze. I've found that while that sense of fragility has stayed with me, life really did become better after the kind of period you're going through -- although it certainly didn't seem like it at the time. If I were you, I'd not hesitate to call your sponsor as often as necessary. I've found the power of a sympathetic human voice is much greater than I'd ever thought. In fact, due to the careening nature of my bp cycling lately, I just got off the phone with a support group. After all the group I got in the psych ward, I didn't think I'd ever want to do that again. But I need people in the flesh who can truly understand. Maybe the same is true for you as well. I don't think your sponsor would have taken on the responsibility unless he/she understood what this was going to be like for you, and how much you'd need a hand up. I'm admitting by going to this new support group that I can't handle this illness alone right now. I'm not ashamed of that, and I don't think you should feel hesitant about taking full advantage of your sponsor's advice and encouragement, too. I think this is a great site, but sometimes cyberspace support just isn't enough. Best of luck, mate. Cheshire Cat.