I remember when I hurt myself after a year mark, I was devastated, but I think each time it gets a little easier because you know you've done it before. It's when you get into the unknown territory that things start to trigger you more again and you worry about your ability to keep up.

It's completely understandable - I was very close to breaking my streak just the other day. The only reason I was able to get through it was because I reached out to other people, but sometimes if we don't or perceive that we don't have resources, well... we just can't get through it all.

Don't be afraid to reach out. You don't have to do this alone. I know it might sound silly, but I have even contemplated calling suicide hotlines when I feel like hurting myself, because sometimes, even though I don't necessarily want to commit suicide, I feel like me wanting to hurt myself is a threat to my life. I know they would be able to talk you through some things if you are feeling desperate.

Don't be down on yourself. All you can do is your best, sometimes it's not good enough, but you have to keep trying.

Good luck! I'll be thinking good thoughts for you