i think finding out in therapy a couple of weeks ago that i have an inner child who is basically my abusive, controlling sister has done a number on me. suddenly, i'm dealing with real life family crap and i seem to be really overreacting. my family is acting in their usual dysfunctional ways but it is really setting me off. i guess realizing once again just how much damage my family of origin did to me is so hard to accept.

i feel so angry at my family but it is sooooo hard for me to express anger as it was always done so destructively in my family. i tend to feel so much guilt and shame and then get depressed for getting angry at both my mom and sister in the last few days, but it kills me how much damage they do to my life with their verbal/emotional abuse and controlling behavior. the irony is that the whole conflict is about my birthday get-together. something that is supposed to be for me but becomes all about them and their expectations. no wonder i prefer to just be alone.