mixedup_emotions, nothing about his leaving has to be final if you don't want it to. If in the future you want to reconsider living together again and he has learned to change his behavior, then you can be together again. It's not final. You've taken steps for your safety and health right now. In the future you may make different decisions as your circumstances change.

Sometimes it is easier to believe our failed relationship was all bad, so we can bring that vision into sync with our actions of ending the marriage. It promotes less dissonance within ourselves, which means less turmoil. Recently I was looking at an old photo album and there were pics of me and my H at the beach with our kids when they were young. It was a very happy looking family. H and I looked happy! This is so at odds with my view of our relationship and my memories. But the photos don't lie. It was a real jolt to see them and I put them away immediately. I think already you see that your marriage has some positive points.

With time, things will become clearer.

Remember, you don't have to make any final decisions today. You can meet with the lawyer Monday and learn about your options, but you don't have to take any action right now.

My therapist has told me several times, "when you get divorced, your heart breaks.... wide open". That's a message of hope.

Hang in there.