Kaika,
I'm so sorry that I did not know all the details...
With all my heart, I hope you get a T soon and get the help you need to work through this hard and confusing time.
In some ways I was lucky in that I knew what and why I was being triggered, it helped me find grounding techniques.
I can only imagine how very difficult this is for you.
Peace to you,
Cap
__________________
The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve.
~~unknown~~
http://capp.psychcentral.net