Thank you, your response has helped me. As I was writing this thread, sitting down, paying attention and putting into words feelings that have been floating around inside, that simple act started to help me focus.

Your words have added support and helped me give myself permission and be okay with separating even more with my family. Whenever a relationship that is important to me has problems I still have to remind myself that it's not always my fault.

When I am able to look objectively at all my family relationships, I see how little support, kindness, concern or love there is there for me. It has been a long, difficult, painful journey. It's hard to feel so alone - without ANY family. It's hard to "let go" of them. I do care about them but they aren't able to support and care about me the way I need them to. And yes its has caused me lots of anger through the years also, and caused me to act and treat them in ways that did not make me feel good about myself.

The less I have to do with my family, the less angry I feel and the better I feel about myself. Except when I allow guilt in, or the loneliness and pain of not having a family that's is accepting, supportive and concerned about me. Now I'm having regret that I didn't do this years ago when I felt it was the right thing to do, but kept getting pulled back in by guilt and the need to be loved by my family.

Thank you sabby for taking the time to read this and respond to me. You have helped by simply doing that. And by sharing your experience and insight you helped me even more.

Pom