...
a. the shame and guilt that takes away belief in yourself

b. self esteem no longer exists except in a tiny part of your soul, weeping

c. the deadness that creeps into your feelings towards your family and friends. family screwed up? no excuse 'cause there is always, but always, someone who cares for you.

d. lost...as in no hope, no expectations of anything better

e. selfishness that drags another human being down to the gutters of the mind and heart. addiction is lonely and wants company and you are gonna see that it gets it.

f. wailing and no one can hear your pain or your plea for help.
g. belting away the ones who do hear and offer you a measure of peace.

Fear...where is the next drink/hit/pill coming from?
JC! I gotta have it, gotta. Oh Christ what am I gonna do...God if you're there I promise I'll quit after you get me my high...GDit I want it NOW!

f. Empty, no dreams/desires for anything better...you gave it away.

and you search and whine and beg and cheat and lie so you can have those few moments of float-in-feel-good,
faded memories of what life used to be...might not have been much but it was a whole lot better than what ya got with the beast that broke you
hear it laugh?
it's laughing at you