The last time i cut myself it was Jan of 08 (yey to me). Since Jan 08, I met an amazing man, got married and became pregnant and now have a beautiful 1 month old little boy, the light of my life. My life is happy. Im happy. Before that Jan I had been cutting for 6 years, and at the end I was cutting around 200 times a day. With the help of my husband I have been able to supress my urges, and actually not cut at all, until now. Two days ago I cut again. I dont know why. Im happy, alittle stressed but nothing out of the ordinary. I havent had any of my usual nightmares like before or anything. Im so dissapointed in myself, and so is my husband which makes me feel even worse. Whats even more crazy, is i enjoyed it. It was like dieting for so long and then one day after years of dieting chomping down on the greasiest biggest cheeseburger and drinking a chocolate milkshake. Anyway. Sorry this is long. Im just so dissapointed in myself. Im worried this makes me a bad mother. I make sure being a mother and being a cutter are two seperate things. Like I dont leave my son alone just to cut, I can hold him the way I always do, I dont neglect him. Its just, what does this say about me? What would he think of me? Would he love me any less? This alone makes me want to cut more. The idea that Im failing at being a good role model for my son, a good "normal" wife for my husband. Its like a domino affect. Thanks for listening.