(((((((((((((((((((Peaches))))))))))))))))))))

Your post was long, but I want you to know I read every word.
It does sound like an incredibly painful situation.
I could relate to some of it, because I also confided in a third party about the problems in my marriage, and it also turned out very badly.
I learned that I should never have confided in anyone, and that in some respects it was a betrayal of my husband to do so.
I now know should have sought professional counseling from the start, because I think sometimes when we confide only the bad things about our H to a close friend, they become so biased that they are later unable to accept the good things.

Are you afraid something will happen if you encounter your friend at a church function? Do you fear that she will confront you with what happened? It sounds like she would simply ignore you and, as painful as it may be, it may not be a reason to avoid her. Perhaps the more you come in contact with her the easier it will be. But I think it would also be understandable to avoid the church event and her her if that's what you want, for now. There really is no point in putting yourself in a situation that might just cause you more pain.

I think it was wrong for her to keep your journals and poems. I don't know what you can do to get them back, but I definitely think you have a right to get them back.

You are NOT bad OR unlovable. Your husband must love you - the proof is he is willing to go to counseling to work on your marriage, right?

Your feelings of abandonment are completely understandable. I think it is good that you are working on this with your T.

Though she was a good friend and advisor, she is only human. It sounds like she is being unreasonable now, with the ultimatum and all the rest, but maybe she is having her own problems or even mental health issues. Is it possible that SHE is feeling abandoned by you?

IMO, the wisest thing to do is maintain and accept the separation from her, and make your health and your marriage the main priorities.

I'm sorry this is so painful......
Hang in there, Peaches.