Thanks Cap

The guilt and grief is overwhelming at times. It has been getting better over the years, especially regarding my mother and abuser brother & his family. I'm beginning to see that while my 2 younger brothers weren't as dramatically toxic to me, they are simply not there for me and have enough of their own emotional scars to deal with. "Freedom from constantly trying to please them, justify my existence, and being a dump for all their garbage." That about sums it up for me too, Capp.

I'm feeling very angry that my brother gets his kodak moment with his daughter, at her wedding with all the family around. While my own daughter, thanks either to their interference or total neglect, blames me for god knows what and has not spoken to me in 6 years.

But she has grown up to be very much like them and her father. Her father basically kidnapped her when she 9 years old. My family has been more help and support to him than they ever have been to me. I need to keep reminding myself she is no longer the little girl who loved me so totally, who would beg me to not send her to her father's for visits - he was too preoccupied with his gambling and/or constant work to pay attention to her. She always wanted to stay home and "play with mom and her friends." My heart is still breaking over her loss.

Life is not fair and it really sucks.