Just wanted you to once again know that you are not alone in your feelings. I don't know where you live but in a lot of places there are support groups and maybe if you decide you could look into it in your area. Some are 12 step oriented but others are not and even some therapists have them at a much lower cost - insurance might cover them.

Without sounding too preachy there are 2 other suggestions that my therapist gave me to help me with my process and when you used the word punishment it struck a chord. The first is a book by Cheri Huber called - "There is nothing wrong with you", it's a very easy to read book that is quite impactful. In this book she talks about the self hatred, need to punish yourself and negative thoughts that lead to being in a no win cycle. The other is anything by Pema Chrodren. She has CD's and books and they have been really helpful for me to learn to realize that I have feelings and then not act on them when they arise.

Again, you are an inspiration in what can change in a year plus and about reducing the cutting.