Heartachehannah are you seeing a therapist? it sounds like you want to stop and a psychologist or counciller could help you -

beating yourself up about when you started to hurt yourself isnt going to help, but you know that - it just adds to the spiral - so try to be a bit more forgiving - would you talk to a friend the way you are talking to yourself? I know I wish I had never hurt myself - and I often struggle with the urge to do it again - but there are better ways to express how we are feeling or not feeling - some of them are on the stickies at the top of the page - some are in threads with the Heart as a notation next to them -there are better less harmful ways to feel better - I hope you find one or some that work for you

My T helped me to find ways to distract myself instead of hurting myself - sometimes I write everything down thats in my head no matter how it sounds - and then dispute it later - I will exercise, draw, hold ice in my hands, draw lines on my arms rather than hurt myself - its hard... but so far I have got through - I hope you can find a better way to cope and that things calm down for you soon P7