Hi Nixtribe and

I am sorry you have had so much pain in your life - I was SA by one of my brothers when I was about the same age as you - I dont have many memories either so you are not alone in that.

This may sound a bit harsh.... is there anyway you can find somewhere else for your mother to live? - it really sounds like she is being toxic in your life - what about your brother? she could live with him?

about telling the abuser.... I havnt been able to tell my brother - we both play the nothing happened game - he;s across the otehr side of the world and that helps - my psychologist has helped me sort of settle that in my mind - we text - all my family does - sometimes he put Love you as an ending - I cant put it back to him and it makes me feel..... like that child again - my T asked me to text him and say dont say it but I cant - so I ignore it

It doesnt sound like you can ignore your brother - does he live near you? it would be good if you could move away from him - but will he still visit his/your mum? I fshe lived with him that might help?

If he rings up (your brother ) can you just say - hold on i'll get mum for you and say nothing else > - thats what I did with my sisters husband who used to ring up and abuse me when she was staying at my place the times she left him _ i would just say ok i'll get her and if she didnt want to talk I would tell him that and if he started I would just say "I am not having this conversation and I am hanging up " and then I did! yeah Me! would that work for you?

sorry for the long reply -your post hit several nerves for me and I wanted to let you know you are not alone

p.s., dont forget to keep the lines of communication open with your husband - dont let your mum come between you if you are happy