I think that it is a critical issue that you have chosen to not open up to the people around you regarding the burdensome problems that you are facing.

You are living a lie - playing a role - hiding from other people (and from yourself). You are showing a certain contempt for other people by not revealing yourself to them. You don't want anybody in the real world to know who you really are.

But there are people around you right now who desire to get to know the genuine you. Give them a chance to do so. Stop pretending that you are "fine," and you'll discover there are people who will truly care for you and about you. Good luck.