Myzen, wanted you to know that I read your post when it first came up. I can a quick answer, but decided to wait and see what others told you. I read those answers, but have waited to respond to you. This time, I didn't read any of the answers so I've forgotten what others have said so it's like starting fresh for me.

In regards to your statement of dealing with the loss as an adult; you don't need to do that. You also don't need to "hunt" far and wide for that acceptance.

My mom never let me forget that I was a complete dissappointment to her. At times, I still think I need acceptance, especially from my kids and my husband. I'll never get what I need from them. So what have I done? I've learned that I need to accept myself just as I am. I've learned to "re-parent" myself. In my mind, I see three little girls; one is three, one is eight and then a rebelious, watchful teenager. These are the ages when I was traumatized. I've learned to recognize when the three or eight year olds are pitching fits because they never had a voice at that age. At that time, I give those two little ones what they want or need. My adult sometimes has to let the hyper-vigilant teenager know that she has the adult me to take care of all three and she doesn't need to get defensive.

In short, your "hunt" for acceptance starts and ends with "self." If "I" accept "myself," then whether others accept me or not is not is not as painful. It still hurts, but not as badly or as long. After all, your greatest responsibility is to yourself. You live inside yourself. In the end, it's you that's alone with yourself in those minutes between sleep and wakefulness.