Phoenix...Thanks for your reply. It did make me feel better to know that I am not the only person in the world with these issues and feelings.
I wish it were as easy as having her go live with my brother...but she won't leave. The way the house ended up it is in a trust in her name..so my husband and I are leaving everything and starting over again. The only way I would get anything back out of it is if she were to give it to me. See how I mean manipulative and controlling. She is toxic and I am just going to have to walk away from it all.
The way we have the house set up is my mother has her areas and we have ours. She has her own phone, tv and such...we share the kitchen. She is dependent on me to get anywhere...as she won't drive and will not utilize public transportation. I recently had foot surgery and havn't been able to drive for 6 weeks...my husband has been taking her out once a week to go to the store and get the things she needs. My brother came (and 2 of my sisters) just days after my surgery a few weeks ago and no one offered to take her to do anything useful...they just went out to eat and brought her home.
My brother lives in another state. He comes here on business once in a while to see my mother. When he comes I have been lucky enough to not have to see him much. He rarely stays the night here, but when he does I just stay to myself.
I come to the only conclusion I can and that is just to relocate as soon as possible.. Everytime my brother comes to visit...everyone (my family) thinks he is so wonderful...he has plenty of money...beautiful home, wife and family. I want to tell him I remember...that I know what he is really like, but I know they will think I am crazy...
Nixtribe
Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix7
Hi Nixtribe and 
I am sorry you have had so much pain in your life - I was SA by one of my brothers when I was about the same age as you - I dont have many memories either so you are not alone in that. 
This may sound a bit harsh.... is there anyway you can find somewhere else for your mother to live? - it really sounds like she is being toxic in your life - what about your brother? she could live with him?
about telling the abuser.... I havnt been able to tell my brother - we both play the nothing happened game - he;s across the otehr side of the world and that helps - my psychologist has helped me sort of settle that in my mind - we text - all my family does - sometimes he put Love you as an ending - I cant put it back to him and it makes me feel..... like that child again -  my T asked me to text him and say dont say it but I cant - so I ignore it
It doesnt sound like you can ignore your brother - does he live near you? it would be good if you could move away from him - but will he still visit his/your mum? I fshe lived with him that might help?
If he rings up (your brother ) can you just say - hold on i'll get mum for you and say nothing else > - thats what I did with my sisters husband who used to ring up and abuse me when she was staying at my place the times she left him _ i would just say ok i'll get her and if she didnt want to talk I would tell him that and if he started I would just say "I am not having this conversation and I am hanging up " and then I did! yeah Me!  would that work for you?
sorry for the long reply -your post hit several nerves for me and I wanted to let you know you are not alone
p.s., dont forget to keep the lines of communication open with your husband - dont let your mum come between you if you are happy |