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Mar 30, 2009, 07:58 PM
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Member Since: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 9,092
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Possibly triggering, as this part is violent.
I have a horrible part inside of me... it comes out does horrible things. First it mainly centered on hurting me (SI), it was first simply a voice inside and I did not think it could control the body. But it can and it has been very often now. Now it focuses attention on our boyfriend. It will smack him, yell curses at him, try to run somewhere to SI, even hit him in special places 
Boyfriend is absolutely amazing 
But I could never do that... how could I do that.
I can't help thinking, I made it, I am horrible, if I can make something that horrible, if I can BE something that horrible, what kind of person am I? I HATE IT, I hate myself... I can't control it but it's my fault 
What do I do...?
I this me, I want to believe this is NOT my fault, but how is it not?
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Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.
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