thanks everyone. my bday is tues. i may call my mom to get together just us for dinner. i don't know; with my health being so difficult it's hard to plan much these days. i'm not mad at them anymore just tired of always feeling like i have to prove myself and jump thru their hoops. i think it just really hit me like a ton of bricks how much energy i expend trying to please others for their approval. yuck, i really don't want to do that anymore but i know it will take time to break.