Sorry to hear that you are going through something so severe that you fel that once you start it'll be good again. Just another thought on that, maybe it won't be. Sounds like you've been here before and let me remind you that once you start it's just another thing to beat yourself up over so if you can do something else try that first. Writing, feeling the feelings, going into your car or some where you can be completely alone and screaming back at the part of you that is telling you it's the only solution, calling someone, getting some physical exercise, meditating, drawing on your arms, anything that would be different from what you normally do.

I always ask this out of habit, but are you seeing a therapist? Can you call them and let them know you are feeling this way and need to talk?

It's not about the cutting, that is a symptom of something bigger, maybe you can try to figure out if something happened that led to thinking/feeling this way. For me it was only until I started to know my patterns that I was able to make choices. Before I was just on automatic in a trance and did not even realize how I ended up feeling like I had to cut to alleviate what was going on.

Just posting here was a message that you don't want to cut but are reaching out of help - yippee.