We bought a house in another state over 3 hours away from here. Our 9 year old duaghter ( my stepdaughter), has told several people that she doesn't want to move. She has been living with her Dad and I for the past several years. She sees her Mom every other weekend. Her mom really isn't involved in her life, doesn't ask about how she does in school, never took her to the doctors, wasn't there when she had a major operation. But when she spends the weekend with her, they have fun, but she's not motherly. She doesn't care if she doesn't wear a coat when it's cold out and recently she let her ride a 4 wheeler without a helmet. She can stay up late and watch anything she wants ( even though it's inappropriate), and who cares if she brushes her teeth?

Anyway, our daughter has it in her head that she has a choice in the matter as to whom to live with. She comes home from spending the weekend with her mom and tells me that she's not sure who sure wants to stay with. After she just told me at the beginning of the week that she made her decision and she's going with us. Is she gonna play these games back and forth everytime she sees her mom? I think her mom is cohersing her into wanting to stay with her.

Her mom and stepdad live in the basement of his parents home. They have two little boys as well. There is no room for our daughter. She sleeps on the couch when she visits. She would have a much better life with us. I could just see her grades falling if she were with her mom. And her smoking at a young age, all sorts of bad things run through my mind.

My husband will be so hurt if she decideds to stay with her mom. She's always been Daddy's girl.

What do we do? She would give her a choice? Or just tell her since she's always lived with us, that's the way it's going to stay.

I know she's afraid of a new school, etc. But she'll still have to change school if she moves to her mother's.

She will still get to see her mom if she goes with us. She can even stay for long periods during summer break.

Any advice?