Hi sweetie, nasty traumatic experience for you......especially if you cared for them. I do not have an official diagnosis but my T and i have discussed it and there is severe autism in the family so being part of a similar spectrum(I think! Haven't researched it much) it is more than probable with my "behavioral and mental leanings" that I have a mild but noticeable case of Aspergers.

My point is that I was dx with borderline personality disorder 15 years ago at 21. Now I was violent, a self-harmer and could be VERY difficult. The dx is beside the point. Its what I did with it that is important.......I had to learn to behave within the confines of society, respect peoples right to safety, learn to control my anger and work on my human connection skills.

Every person, including your exes, need to take responsibility for their actions. Without responsibility, there is chaos. No matter what you might be dx with, we are all part of a bigger picture. Dx is not an excuse. It can be a point of discussion, but never an excuse. That is the most valuable lesson I learnt. I still struggle sometimes, but i don't beat myself up anymore that I cannot read expressions, or I get confused by peoples endless emotions and i have learnt to respect people on merit and as much as i find peoples behaviour disturbing, I also find it beautiful. Watching people in a group is like watching a dance, fluid, graceful and mesmirising(that is until they all get drunk!!)

I may not feel "human" most of the time and sometimes i feel sad that I feel that I lack that wonderful human propensity for spontaneity(I crave order and love algebra!!) but i am peaceful with it and know that it is an interesting and rewarding part of my "humanity". Other people accept me just the way I am........because I do.

Good luck with future relationships........maybe you should look more at avoiding certain behaviours, which can be experienced by anybody, not so much dx........you never know who your soulmate is!!!