I'm not handling this age thing. I thought 45 was awesome. But why when 46 hit I went down. My self esteem, already bad got real bad. I've fought through 47. 48 and October I'll be 49.
Okay, so I've taken of myself. Poor eating habits due to E.D. up/down. I told my okay stay 125. That's good.

Then went big time binge - into a depression. Maintaining - nicely 130.

BUT I can't get myself to do ANY excercises.

The food in take I'm is a struggle. Craving crazy proteins. I'd never done that. Was ALWAYS carbs or NOTHING.

But the exercise there was always SOME.

I tried 25 leg lifts. Felt like cememt.

I don't want to do anything anymore damn it. Other people don't care. Other people accept 'hey almost 50, good shape, had kids, grand ma....

It's always this All or Nothing. I Knew it. I knew it one day. Just one day and Bam it's been several months.

YES, I AM VERY MUCH SO FEELING VERY SORRY FOR MYSELF.
I thought I'd gotten over that pattern of complaining: I'd reached a good weight 125 5'3, 3 1 cup meals a day, no sweets,.... but my exercise went crazy.

This seems to be an big Time Depression, Eating Disorder so I'm going to post this also in E.D.

I NEED HELP. I haven't even been getting out of my p.j.s