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Apr 01, 2009, 12:36 PM
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Member Since: Oct 2008
Location: Southern California
Posts: 117
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I am feeling over-whelmed and out of control with my body and circumstances which is really causing distress.
For those of you who do not know what has been going on, I will fill you in At the end of the year, I had a mass removed from my armpit that turned out to be non-cancerous. The holidays triggered my decompensation that ended up in a January/February 3 1/2 week psychiatric hospitalization. Then, I was in the hospital for seven days for pneumonia for which I am still recovering. Finally, the day after my discharge my father-in-law was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and was told that he has one week to six months.
With all that being said, I am having difficulty with feeling out of control and overwhelmed. Also, one of the medications that I am taking for pneumonia has a lot of side effects which are freaking me out as it makes me feel even more out of control. I had a meltdown yesterday over it. (Adding to that being hospitalized for pneumonia brought on panic attacks, flashbacks and nightmares.)
For about three weeks, I’ve been taking the maximum dosage of my medication. Side effects usually occur at 20 mg and I’ve been taking 60 mg. Basically, I am experiencing most of the side effects which include tremors, insomnia, water retention, bloating, weight gain, and increased appetite. My psychiatrist said that some with increased appetite become a little manic-like when it comes to food.
Now, I am semi-anorexic…well, I am feeling completely out of control. I’ve gained 10-15 pounds in the last week. At least, I’m recovering so I’m wearing loose fitting lounge clothing. I have two pair of pants that I can wear.
I have a rash that may or may not be due to my virus and it is getting worse in areas. I have episodes of unsteadiness including dizziness, light-headedness and feeling faint. I lack stamina, am tired and still have some episode of difficulty breathing.
Unfortunately, I have to take the medication for my pneumonia. The only other choice is to not take it and end up in the hospital again because I won't be able to breathe. I am titrating off it, but I won't be completely off until the middle/end of May. Many people have to go through this.
I AM FEELING FEELING OVER-WHELMED AND TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL OF MY BODY!!!
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