wowa, you really do seem to be having a rough patch there, loser37. From my background I would say I too feel powerless, but I always try to keep hope. Its a very scary time. I'm struggling too, its not easy. My depression doesn't help matters either. I continue to have hope, to try to educate myself, develop and use a support system. I genuinely wish help and support for you. Hope my short message lifted your mood, even just a bit. Take care now, and {{hugs}} to you...