I shouldn't have these thoughts swirling in my head.
I had a good first week at the new job. I saw my T this week and had a good appointment, I spent time with my sister, I saw a friend I have known for 24 years. My week was busy. If you looked at it as you were watching a movie you would think I was fine....
But then these thoughts come flying in from god knows where.
They shout at me. They say I am nothing. They say whatever it is I am longing for will never be gained and true happiness can come only with death.
Then I start to question my life,my existence.
I try to silence these thoughts but they grow darker, deeper. They hiss in my head.
And I don't want to tell anyone they are as noisy now as they even have been because I will not survive through it.
This has got to stop. One way or another....
I try so hard to make people proud of me. I want people to think how well I am doing so they are not suspicious of me.
But seriously, I have lived this way for so long that it is going to hard to continue.
WHEN WILL THE THOUGHTS STOP???