(((((((( Pom ))))))))

Family relationships are always so difficult when things are not in a good space. I'm not particularly close with my brother and other members of my family either. It hurts my heart that my brother and I are no longer close. But, I realize that the relationship was mainly one sided, his side.

Over the years I have felt hurt and angry. For the most part I no longer feel much of anything for him. I've had to remain true to myself as I'm the one who has to live with me.

I've always been the fixer, the one to step forward and swallow my pride for the sake of family. I don't do that anymore. (except for my children for obvious reasons) Like you, I became tired of always having to be the one to try to keep the peace, the one who had to bite her tongue for the sake of "family harmony". I've always been the one to not be validated that my feelings meant anything to anyone at all but me. I don't play their game with their rules anymore. In doing so, I was loosing myself and becoming very angry.....I do not want to live my life like that.

I had to realize that no matter how badly I wanted to step away cordially but still get along at family gatherings was probably not a viable option. I also realized that if the family members could not make the effort to understand, then it was their issue, not mine and I refused to feel guilty over it. I was done wasting another moment of my life worrying that I might have stepped on someone's toes.

Of course, coming to those kinds of realizations is painful. I had to weigh the 2 pains though. Was it more difficult to bare the weight of the pain that my family consistently caused me or the pain of realization and self care? I felt at times I was beating my head against the wall every time I tried to extend myself to them. That became painful too!

I no longer care what my family thinks of me. That's not to say that I don't love them for there are many that I do. I live my life for me and my children and friends. They can live their lives for themselves and I don't have to be a part of it to feel whole.

I don't know if what I have said has helped you at all. I know it's a hard decision to make and it's one that should not be made lightly. As long as you are prepared for the outcome of whatever decision you make, then you are in the best place you can be with that decision.

Take good care Pom.....and I wish you well in your journey.


sabby