I understand it is fairly common to have a "bad" part.. like the embodiment of both of memory and perpetrator.. Talking with T about ways to build internal communication can help - creating contracts for behaviour, safe spaces for other alters, and also places where "bad" parts can be confined if they cannot keep to contracts.. have you tried this? Doesn't always work all the time but it can help and can make you feel like you have a little more control.