snapshots pictures and movie s of decapitating my own self- intrusive and unwantednn images and tense muscles and restless . wants to sleep if i sleep i see things that wake me up and awake i see things that arent real -how could they be real? stationatry objects are as jumpy and restlerss as the rest of us and its like there wont be ANY releif without some blood or bruises. antipsychotics cant touch it why?