Well,,there is good in honesty rudicollis and let me honestly welcome you to PC....

What you describe is the essence of addiction. Knowing that you need(should) stop but lacking the desire/ability to.

Like cigarette smoking for instance. It is widely accepted that smoking tobaccco will kill you. Period,,it will sooner or later kill you. But millions upon millions of people continue to smoke even in the face of its ultimate destruction of the user....

That is addiction coupled with its continuous companion...denial...you see,, us addicts never believe it will be us that succombs to the devastation of our drug(s) of choice. "It won't happen to me...."

But it will...whether it kills you today, tomorrow or next year or simply devastates you,,deminishes you to be and do things that your character abhores, destroys your relationships and turns you away from any valued person or persons who Love you or constricts your world into a fearfull closet of ill fated illusions and shame filled nightmares....it will do what it does best...addictions destroy people.

But without the will to change,,there is no human power with words, poverty, prison cells or complete and utter isolation that will change the nature of addiction,,,the needing of something that wants to kill you...

So please don't be confused...but remain worried...for you are fighting a foe that does not like to lose...

With Care,

Lenny