hi rudicollis, welcome to pc and to the addictions forum. you've come to the right place to find suggestions or answers to your question. i believe your soul and mind already knows the best advice you could give yourself.
but here's part of my spin on it based on my experiences: addiction to drugs/alcohol is a disease of the body, mind, and soul. it's goal is to destroy you while it's "promising" you the world. examples from my own experiences with alcohol, the granddaddy of all drugs: i listened to alcohol for some time...it "promised" to take away all my worries, cares, and woes. what abusing it gave me was worse than worries, cares and woes..it stripped me bare to bone of who i was, it took all my money and then some more, it took away family and friends that loved me...cause i put booze above them in importance. there was nothing more important to me than my booze. instead of feelings it gave me a dark, bleak, hopeless void in my soul. i felt helpless to get back my life. alcohol had taken over. i saw no future. i felt no real joy, just oblivion until i "came to"and saw the wreckage abusing alcohol had done with my help. i only wanted to escape to the bliss alcohol "promised" me. alcohol/drugs will "promise" us much but give us nothing of any real value in our lives. what it will give us is jails, institutions or death. that is it's real "promise".
the fact that your gut is telling you to take notice is a very good thing. i had that same feeling/thought but said bad things won't happen to me...maybe the other guy, but not me, like lenny said. well i ended up being the other guy. i didn't pay the ultimate price of abusing alcohol with my life, but i came very close to it. that for me was a serious wake up call. i've had friends that just didn't "wake up" after using...ever. i sat by a 24 year old cool guy in a 12 step recovery program i went to. two days later i read his obit in the newspaper...he had overdosed on drugs. i'm quite sure he thought he wasn't the other guy too, but he was. i've seen a lot of people that mistakenly thought bad things wouldn't happen to them because they liked their drug of choice or alcohol. like you said, "but you don't want to" stop.
it's a good thing for you to think about and i'm glad you posed your question here. i don't know if anything i've said will make a difference or not, but i'm "paying it forward."
hope you'll keep posting and let us know how you are doing. many of us here were once in your shoes. "today", i no longer have to be caught in my addiction because i chose not to. it may take a while to get some time together and start a new way of living, just me, but it sure has been worth it. today my life is something i chose to show up for. in my addiction i wasn't showing up for anything...except for my funeral.