I don't look at you badly.

Sometimes when people are feeling upset or distressed or anxious or have this gnawing feeling or something and don't know why... Then they engage in a process of trying to figure it out. People sometimes rehearse one explanation to themself (e.g., I'm feeling anxious because of x) but then realize that that isn't it so they reherse another explanation to themself (e.g., I'm feeling distressed because I'm worrying about y) but nothing quite seems right...

Is something maybe like that going on? When you realize that your attempt to explain doesn't seem right (or true) then you worry that you are engaging in lying or making up stories?

Maybe the trouble it hitting upon an explanation that seems authentic to you... Or... Finding something that seems to legitimate your distress (either to yourself or to others) as someone else suggested.